Spring and Flowers and Ruminating and Pimento Cheese Dip

Outside in our dirty dirt, still from winter, resting, getting ready to work, I see signs of spring and the return of that time of year when many things seem like a miracle.

Among the dead shoots, spent leaves, brown stalk leftover from last summer, new growth is appearing.

It is a good kind of new growth. We don’t have to decide whether to color it, puck it or give up and let nature take its course.

When I walked around the yard the last couple of days, I stopped by each plant and inspected it for signs of life. Green.

Each of my plants that I hoped would make it through winter, appear to have done so.

If that isn’t joyful and full of hope, I don’t know what is.

This weekend, if it doesn’t rain, I will go out and begin the cleanup process. I will get rid of debris and signs of death. I will put my faith in the future, in this moment, and not in the past.

And think of renewal.

I need renewing, frequently. I just do. I love the feeling of actively living and being a part of my life. That sounds wacko, but if I am busy living, it means that I am not engaged in too much worry.

I don’t even like the word ‘worry’ anymore. It does nothing for me.

Oh, I still worry some. But once I realize what I am doing, I do try to redirect it to a higher power, in my life, it is God, and then get to business. Laughing. That is much of my business. It is my healer.

I laugh at myself and my idiocy, failings, shortcomings, and anything that could make me feel less-than.

Most of the time.

There are times when, and you can ask Nick, where he would like to kick me in the tailwind, because I go into the loser mode. I hammer myself because I am next to normal and far from all knowing. In other words, I screw up.

After I pound myself into chicken fried steak, I recover and rebound and quit judging myself and others. Yep, I can do that, too.

That is done if I don’t understand someone or something. And I will blame the world for that. It has proven to be a sticky bunch of molasses. And when I let my ‘world’ thinking come into my personal thinking and dealing with people, I can get sucked in.

I am still learning to sort the wheat from the gluten.

And part of that process is learning that I must have good people around me. It is vital to my spirit and growth.

Do you know what writing and technology and growing up in Norwood and living in my little neighborhood has given me?

Meaning. Friendship. Passion. Hope. Community.

If I didn’t write, and we didn’t have the internet, I would not have reconnected and connected with so many of the wonderful people from Norwood. You don’t know it, but you have given me encouragement, support and friendship, virtual but real, to write from my heart, gut and spirit.

We have some good roots, don’t we? A touchstone.

And my neighbors in our little enclave off of 55, give me safe haven, support and kindness to be who I am. To know that i could go to any house that I can see, and ask for a cup of sugar or a help with a ladder or sit and have a laugh or a cry, that is a gift.

It doesn’t happen everywhere.

For Pete’s sake. I sound like I am writing my own obit or accepting the award for Best of Show in the Wag My Tail competition.

Guess I just got pensive.

Get this, I have gotten to the point where I can tell people, nope, I get the vapors. I can’t do that. But I can do this. Or, hum, let’s throw this wacky idea out there and see if it flies … and not worry if it fails.

Pretty cool, huh.

My radar buddies, now two men, both in their mid 70’’s and I, wait for our treatments with laughter and thankfulness, even when Sunbeam breaks before we get our treatments.

We know life. The good the bad and the ugly, yet we sit in those chairs and do our commentary on all things and accuse each other of breaking Sunbeam.

The birds are practiscing for their Hallelujah chorus. You should hear them. There are several soloists.

I just had this thought … this question. What is it that makes life good?

What is it that one day we hear nothing and see nothing, no possibilities or hope, and then, other days, or even five minutes after feeling that despair, sadness or loneliness, when we hear and feel everything and we are so much more alive?

Egads. I have to go bake cookies for people who drop off food for the Clover Assistance. I have to get cracking eggs and sifting flour and stop ruminating.

I will talk to you later.

Susan

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