Yep, I made the cover photo. And if you had seen my kitchen last night, you would have known it.
I mentioned that while sick with the cold. I got into a show by a Canadian Pastry chef. You also might know, that when I get “into” something, I take off.
Last winter, it was felt. A couple of years, it was painting. There was a year that I learned to sculpt. A year I taught myself how to put out a magazine. All the while, raising kids, working and living.
There are times when I return to some of those endeavors, but for the most part, when that time has past, that time has past. I get out of the “zone” and that is that. I move on.
I have tried, a bit, to do some painting, but I have been there and done that. And for the most part, repetition is not my thing.
I am not good at forcing my creative energies into something that is not making my heart beat faster, or my brain crave new information. When I try to force things, like I recently did with a misguided try at painting with acrylics, it leads to disappointment.
Ecclesiastics 3 sums it up very well, for me.
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace
As I live longer, (note: I didn’t say “age” or “get older”) I find comfort in verses such as that. Not only a Bible verse, such as this, but in words that ring true. These words come from well-known authors, poets, ponderers, someone I meet in line at a carryout, in moments of celebration and achievement, and despair.
I have been doing quite a bit of quiet thinking. That is nothing new, but this time, it has a different tinge to it. It has to do with health, treatment and quality of life.
It is a place where I figured, someday, I would enter. It is a place that involves honing in on my life, what it has been, and how I want it to be.
That is the thing about this cancer business, and not just cancer. It can be any illness that is not a one and out deal.
Life can be the weirdest thing. And sometimes, I wonder what life really is. Is it the now? Is it the past? Is it the future? Is the reality of life simply an illusion? And what am I willing to put up with, in life, physically, mentally and emotionally?
I mentioned to Nick, in a moment of seriousness, that I am really going to be thinking hard about what treatments I am willing to do, and where I will draw the line, when it comes to my quality of life.
These aren’t new thoughts in my head. I have had them for years. But I have never spoken them, or had to put my thoughts … desires … into play. But that time is coming.
It could be that I am a firm believer that for everything, there is a season. It is that internal discussion, between myself and God, I am in the throes of, now.
The clock is ticking in the background, as is the pound pounding sound of the garbage truck that I just passed our house. It is grey and rainy and warm and muggy. Yet, it is a glorious day.
This time of healing from an intervention/surgery, is different from things I have had in the past. Hip replacement? Over and out. Gall bladder? Over and out. Those were one doctor deals.
Cancer? Even very early cancer, involves lie-altering decisions. The decisions can change how your body works, how you feel and, possibly, how long you will live.
There are those people who do not like to think or talk about dying.
I am not one of them. Not that I want a steady diet of it, but death is as much a part of life as burping and farting, and is a given. So, why not think about it?
My counter is covered with baking supplies … chocolate, pans, whisks. I was going to put them away. But Nick just handed me a piece of mail he just got out of the box. It was from Winston’s school.
It is a thank you note for all of the fresh baked goodies we take them. They said how much they meant to them and how much they enjoyed eating them.
Funny, it came right now.
I guess it is the Season of Baking. And thinking. And loving and appreciating the quality of my life … today.